Compassion
by ijustkeepswimming
Summary: Joey and Charlie are still connected even after months apart. Set after everyone finds out about Charlie's past and it begins to catch up with her. Contains spoilers, especially for the non-Australian audience. It's a one-shot divided into four.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone, this is a one-shot divided into four, based on the current storyline of Charlie's traumatic past. I read a spoiler about Angelo and Ruby distrusting Charlie's rape claim and with all this going on, I thought it would be the absolute perfect time for Joey to come back. So, if Home and Away aren't going to write it, I figured I would. It's quite heavy and does include some unpleasant images but I hope you enjoy it. IJKS xxx_

**Compassion**

**Chapter One**

Joey woke very suddenly, sitting up in her bunk and throwing herself out of it immediately. Hurrying across the hall, she burst into the bathroom and promptly vomited. Sweating and gasping, images still burning in her mind, she reached for some toilet roll and wiped her mouth. Breathing heavily, she forced herself up and flushed the chain, shakily finding her way back to bed. Slipping beneath the sheets and feeling the distinct presence of a headache beginning at the back of her skull, she lay heavily against the pillows, afraid to close her eyes.

"Are you okay?" a quiet voice asked her from the bunk above.

"Another nightmare," Joey admitted unhappily.

They had been constant for weeks now and they were making her ill.

"Can I get you anything?" Holly asked, deeply worried about her friend.

Joey had arrived on the trawler at the very end of April in a state of great distress. She was heartbroken and forlorn but as the months had passed, she'd settled and been able to find some kind of peace. Her contract had been due to expire at the end of July and Joey's original plan had been to go back home and face the demons she'd been trying to put behind her but she couldn't. The boat had pulled up and her bags had been packed but she'd stayed on the boat for the six hours they'd docked and then she'd gone away with them again, agreeing to work indefinitely for the company that she called home. Now, as the world greeted September, her heart and mind were being wrenched out of her body on a nightly basis and it only seemed to be getting worse, not better. Holly was definitely worried, especially now that Joey had sat her down and told her that she'd figured out one way and one way only to solve her anxiety. It wasn't something Holly wanted Joey to do. She couldn't see the good there, knowing how hard it would be for her. But then, perhaps she was right and it would resolve some of the mess in her head and give her some kind of closure. Still, she didn't like it.

"No, I'm fine," Joey replied. "Thank you."

Holly reached her hand down and Joey reached up to squeeze it lightly, comforted by the contact. Holly had befriended her from day one, helped her through her grief. She'd been a wonderful friend and while Joey knew she didn't support her latest decision, she knew she'd let her go. This was just something she needed to do.

* * *

Charlie headed out of the bathroom feeling dizzy and still a little sick. Having emptied her stomach, she headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water, ignoring the dark shapes and shadows around her that on a normal night were no problem at all. These days, they frightened her. These days, everything frightened her. Gulping her water down, she rested her arms against the counter top and her head in her arms, working to regulate her breathing. Tears stung her eyes. She had never felt so alone before in all her life. Forcing herself back to her empty bed, she lay awake staring up at the ceiling. She wondered if Ruby was okay. She hated that she was living with Irene now. Ruby, _her_ Ruby ought to be at home where she belonged. Last week they seemed to have made so much progress but then Grant had come to find them and shaken up their already fractured world again. Now Charlie was plagued with her sister… her daughter's... doubt and the potential nightmare that Ruby would want to have a relationship with the monster who had fathered her. Glancing at the empty space beside her, Charlie felt sick. Angelo was pretty much gone from her life. Just as things looked like they were beginning to settle down, Angelo had expressed doubt about her story. He may as well have stabbed her through the heart. To even question that she might be lying or 'misguided' as he had put it, was too much. She felt like she couldn't recover. And it had made the nightmares worse. Still looking at the empty space in her bed, Charlie began to cry harder. It was strange to feel sad over Angelo when, as much as she cared for him, she knew deep down that he would never be to her what he should be. It was Joey that she was longing for. It was Joey had truly longed for in all the time she had been gone. Self-hatred filled Charlie immediately. It was just like her to have lost the person she would have needed most right now. Joey would have believed her. She would have trusted her, stuck by her and never left her side. But Charlie had pushed her away and let her go. It was the worst mistake she had ever made. Curling up into the foetal position, Charlie sobbed so hard that her body began to ache. Desperately, she cried Joey's name over and over again into her pillow, right until she fell back into a reluctant slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_Joey kissed Charlie tenderly. Love surged within her, rising up in her soul as they wrapped their arms around each other. Then the earth began to shake around them. Pulling apart, feeling afraid, both women looked down. The ground cracked beneath them. Around them, buildings began to shatter to the ground. Frightened eyes met as Joey's side of the ground began to be pulled away from Charlie's. Hands reached out and they screamed each other's names, searching for a way to come back to each other. But it was too late. Moments later, their vision was obscured. They were alone._

Joey woke up again, a little less violently but equally as distressed. She hated these dreams as much as she hated the other ones, the ones she didn't understand. Tears wet her eyes and she brushed them away. Glancing at the clock, she realised it was almost five in the morning. Tired from such a restless night's sleep but sure that she wouldn't get anything better, she hauled herself out of bed and into the shower, preparing to get ready and start work early. It was something she did a lot these days. She thought she may as well request the early shift. Night time dreaming was out of control.

* * *

Charlie woke up tired. Pulling herself out of bed, she dragged herself into the kitchen and made some coffee. After nightmares about Grant, she'd had another about Joey and then rounded up the morning with one about Ruby. She felt like she needed to get away from this town, from this life. Everything felt too hard here.

"Morning," Leah said.

"Hey," Charlie said softly, pulling out another mug to make a drink for her housemate too.

"How did you sleep?" Leah asked, noting her friend's tired eyes.

"Badly, Charlie sighed.

Leah put an affectionate hand on her arm.

"Things will get better."

She wasn't sure they would but she hated seeing Charlie in so much pain. The whole house had been ripped apart by this latest trauma. Nothing felt right.

* * *

"Are you sure you really want to do this?" Holly asked.

The trawler was on its way to a small seaside town and Joey was planning on getting off the boat. From there, she would catch a bus to Summer Bay and then in a week's time, the boat would be coming round to the docks there anyway so it could pick her up again.

"I have to," Joey said.

She looked out at the expanse of water around her feeling heavy hearted.

"Even after everything that's happened?" Holly asked.

"I just need to know that she's okay," Joey explained, even though she'd been saying the same thing for a few days now.

Holly sighed.

"All I'm going to do is slip in, find her, observe from a distance that she's alright and then slip away again," Joey said. "She doesn't even need to know that I'm there. It doesn't have to be this big emotional scene. I just think that if I can put my mind at rest then these stupid nightmares will stop."

All the bad dreams had revolved around Charlie. She didn't understand them completely. Sometimes Charlie was really young, although Joey wasn't sure how she recognised her exactly because she had no idea what teenage Charlie had looked like. But she'd known it was her. And in all of them she was in pain. There was always the same boy, wanting to hurt her. She always woke up before anything happened to Charlie, for which she was grateful but the pain and the suffering was all too real and too vivid. Other dreams had been about babies, and Charlie being confronted by the same boy but he had turned into a giant. And there were dreams about Charlie walking through the desert completely alone. Along the way, she was chased by the boy and turned to Ruby, a policeman and her father for help but each of them turned her away. Every dream was painful and every one had a physical effect on Joey's body. She hadn't cried this much since she'd walked away from Charlie all those months ago. And now her ex-girlfriend was the centre of her world again and they weren't even in each other's lives. All of it made Joey fret that Charlie wasn't okay. She'd decided a couple of days before that the only way she could placate her soul would be to go and check on her. All she wanted was to put her mind at rest.

"What if she's not okay?" Holly asked seriously.

"Then I'll do whatever I need to in order to help her," Joey replied without thinking about it.

"Even after everything that's happened?"

"I don't want her to be in pain, Holly," Joey said sadly. "And if the dreams I'm having are even close to the pain she's suffering… I can't just ignore them. And before you say anything, I'm aware that it's utterly insane to go chasing after someone because you're having nightmares about them. But they're so strong, so real, so vivid. If nothing else, I can't live my life like this. I'm getting no sleep, I can't eat, I'm exhausted all the time. If I can just go and figure out if she's alright or not then at least I can move on."

"It's quite sweet actually," Holly said with a grin.

Holly was a closet romantic. She'd ended up on the boat due to her own relationship tragedy. She and her boyfriend had set up home together. They were engaged and thinking about babies and all sorts. She couldn't have been happier until she discovered that her fiancé had been cheating on her for over a year. So she'd packed up and left. It was no wonder really that she and Joey had become such good friends. Dealing with their own heartache had brought them together. And Joey was relieved to have a completely platonic friend. She had no romantic feelings for Holly and vice versa. There was nothing complicated about them and it made her feel safe. Leaving her and the boat, even only for a week was a daunting experience but she had to. She couldn't think that Charlie might be in some kind of trouble without going to her.

"But Joey…" Holly ventured. "What if you're wrong?"

"I hope I am."

"Are you? I mean, what if Charlie's fine? What if she's completely settled and has moved on?"

"Then I can come back to you in peace," Joey said, ignoring the fact that it would hurt to know that Charlie didn't think about her anymore.

One thing about this whole situation that she had neglected to tell Holly was that sometimes she almost audibly heard Charlie calling her name. It was like Charlie's voice echoed in her soul, needing her and calling her home. She told herself it was silly. Charlie probably didn't even think about her at all anymore. Especially if she was in trouble, why would Joey even cross her mind? But the feeling was there and it was yet another thing that Joey couldn't ignore. She could, however, ignore the perfectly logical question that Holly was posing. How would she feel if Charlie was loved up and happy with someone else? What would she do? How would she cope? It was one thing to sit on a boat far, far away and wish her ex good thoughts but if she happened to actually catch her in some kind of romantic clinch with some guy – and she was sure it would be a guy – well, that would destroy her. She knew it. She hated it. She chose to ignore it.

"And what if it's _that_ guy? Henry? Humbo? Gumbo?"

"Hugo," Joey said with a little giggle.

Holly knew perfectly well the name of the man that Charlie cheated on her with but she liked to offer various substitutes. At least these three weren't x-rated like they often were.

"Then I'll go, I'll see and I'll hide in my hotel until you guys come and collect me," Joey confirmed.

Holly looked concerned.

"I'll be alright, Holly," Joey promised. "I can take care of myself much better now. I'll be fine."

* * *

Charlie hid away in the house all morning. If she couldn't see Ruby she didn't want to see anyone. Part of her wanted to charge round to Irene's and force the teenager to understand her. She'd do anything to make her realise the truth of what had happened, make her reject Grant and get him out of their lives forever. She hated herself for being afraid of walking round town. That hadn't happened since _it _had happened. She was afraid of seeing him. And she was afraid of condemnation and judgements. If Ruby and Angelo doubted her then what must everyone else think? She could only imagine walking into the Diner and getting the third degree from Colleen. Everyone knew bits of the story now. Charlie had been raped and Ruby was her daughter but Charlie's parents had raised her as their own because Charlie had been completely unable to cope. She jumped and her heart rate increased when her phone rang. Everything startled her these days. Picking it up, she saw Angelo's name flash on the screen. Sighing, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Charlie," he said. "Can I see you?"

"Why?" Charlie asked tiredly.

"I think we need to talk, don't you?"

"Fine."

"I'm on my break in twenty minutes. Would you meet me at the Diner?"

She really didn't want to go out. Anxiety immediately pierced her. But she didn't have the strength to argue.

"Okay," she said, hanging up.

* * *

Joey hugged each of her colleagues and stepped off the boat. She stayed on the dock and waved them off until they were only a dot in the distance. Taking hold of her stuff, Joey began to walk inland, hoping that it wouldn't be too difficult to get to Summer Bay. Going back there would be one of the hardest things she would ever have to do. And she knew it wouldn't be the last time. Eventually, she would need to appear for Robbo's trial. Robbo. Just the name made her feel ill. That was really where all her problems had started. Charlie had rescued her from him. She'd saved her life and then broken her heart. It still felt surreal to think back to how happy and sad she had been, up and down, up and down over the weeks that Charlie was in her life. She'd never been on such an emotional rollercoaster but she'd clung on, hoping that it would all turn out fine. Little had she known that the car would come off the tracks and send her into an oblivion of hurt. She still couldn't quite believe that a woman so loving, gentle and kind could be capable of so much damage, deceit and suffering. But today wasn't about that. Today was about finding her, ensuring that she wasn't struggling like Joey feared she was and then slipping away again like she'd never come. She knew she had to be careful about her visit. If she so much as bumped into Leah, Ruby, Aden or anyone like that she was done for. She couldn't be seen. She needed to remain anonymous.

* * *

"I didn't mean to upset you," Angelo began once he and Charlie were seated at a corner table in the Diner.

The fragile woman shifted uncomfortably, as if afraid of the world around her. She couldn't look her boyfriend in the eye.

"I'm just trying to figure out what happened, Charlie. For you, for Ruby, for us."

"You shouldn't have to figure out what happened," Charlie replied.

She looked directly at him at last, her eyes burning into his.

"You should know what happened because I told you what happened."

"Charlie, I'm a cop. You know as well as anyone that you have to weigh up evidence with this kind of thing."

"You're not a cop in this, Angelo!" Charlie exploded, shocked by her own emotion.

She tensed and so did he as people began to look round at her.

"Charlie, calm down…"

"No, I won't calm down. When your girlfriend tells you she's been raped, you don't 'weigh the evidence'. You don't try and figure out what happened. You believe that she's telling you the truth. How could you even consider that I might not be?"

"I've spoken to the guy, Charlie. He's…"

"Convincing, conniving, manipulative? A charmer who could get away with anything, including rape?" Charlie challenged.

Finally her voice was lower but people were still looking. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Angelo felt compassionate but he was also torn. Part of him was screaming to support the woman he loved whole heartedly. But Grant's story was just as credible as hers and he couldn't seem to let it go.

"His story is credible," Angelo said reasonably.

Charlie lost control of her tears.

"It's not like he was a stranger who jumped out at you in some dark alley. He was your boyfriend, Charlie. You were dating him."

"I said no."

Charlie fought wave after wave of her father's voice as it was when she was fourteen and he'd tried to come to terms with what had happened to his baby girl. Once again it came back to the 'boyfriend thing'.

"Did you?" Angelo asked. "Do you remember saying it clearly?"

"Yes!"

"Sometimes people imprint false memories…"

"Don't you dare say that to me!" Charlie shouted, standing up.

Her chair was flung back so wildly that it fell on the floor.

"I remember everything. Whether I was dating him or not makes no difference, Angelo. I said no and he did it anyway. It was not consensual. I can't believe you're sitting there trying to blame me for what happened…"

She grabbed her bag, ignoring the looks of bystanders. Angelo stood up feeling helpless.

"Charlie, I'm not blaming…" he began.

She was already gone.

* * *

Joey was finally on the bus. With her luggage stowed away underneath and an hour's journey ahead of her, she lay back against the seat and closed her eyes. Often naps during the day helped. For some reason, she didn't seem to dream so badly then. If she could get some rest, even just a little then she would feel better. She knew she had a long journey ahead of her once she arrived in town.

* * *

Charlie stormed out of the Diner and onto the beach, ignoring the fact that Angelo had been calling after her. Sitting heavily on the sand, she looked out to sea, struggling to catch her breath as her heart hammered away in her chest.

_

* * *

_

Charlie was kissing the boy. She was young and she felt naughty to have sneaked out behind her father's back. Lying on the boy's bed, they kissed clumsily. She felt his hands settle on her chest. She tensed and then looked into his face. In a girlish daydream she wondered if she might be with him forever. Maybe it was okay to do this with him now. He was thrilled with the permission. They continued to kiss. Then it got heavier. The boy rolled on top of her and she could feel that he was over excited. She began to try and assert herself, sit up and push him away but his body was covering hers and he was stronger and bigger. She began to say his name, Grant, not breathlessly but in agitation as she planted her hands on his shoulders to move him away from her. But he stayed, murmuring assurances that it would be okay. She heard the zip loudly and felt his hands on her. She panicked and pushed, urgency in her voice as she told him to stop. Letting him touch her on top had been a big step. She wasn't ready for this, she said. He ignored her, continuing his mantra that she'd enjoy it if she just relaxed. He said he loved her and that if she loved him then she'd want to do it as much as he did. She couldn't say she loved him, not then, although she had said it a million times before. Now she was too frightened. She needed him to get away from her. She pushed and pleaded and tears trickled from her eyes. Please don't… she begged. I'm not ready. I don't want to. No, please don't. But he did.

Joey jerked awake in her chair. The woman beside her glared as Joey knocked her elbow.

"Sorry," Joey managed.

Her mind was reeling. It was the most detailed dream she'd had and it brought back far too many of her own memories. Her body ached with pain and fear coursed through her veins. Looking out of the window, she considered, rushing the front and pleading with the driver to stop. She needed air. There was no air. She couldn't breathe.

"Are you okay?" the woman asked, feeling a little guilty for glaring.

"Yes," Joey squeaked.

She was torn between wanting to head right back to the boat and staying as far away from Charlie as possible and wanting to get there quicker. She'd come to check on her and to help her if need be but if this was the story, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to participate.

* * *

Charlie sat on the beach and forced herself to snap out of her daydream. Replaying everything that had happened that night with Grant when she was a kid was not something she should have done. It was something she'd pushed to the back of her mind for so many years. She truly didn't think about it now, although she knew her past came out in other ways. She'd never had a functional relationship for starters. And the one time she met someone she truly loved and could open her heart to, she messed it up. Joey had been perfect for her. Charlie knew it with painful clarity. But she'd pushed her away and let her go and now she would be paying for it forever. Angelo's biggest complaint about her, the reason they'd split up last time, was because she wouldn't be real with him. He'd been upset when he'd heard about Joey, not really because of the lesbian thing but because she hadn't trusted him enough to share that side of herself, to talk to him about the fact that she had an attraction to women, or more specifically, one woman and that it was strong enough that she'd have a relationship with her. He'd dumped Charlie temporarily because she never let him in and so she'd resolved to try. It wasn't easy. It didn't compare to how it had been with Joey. Nothing did. While they had been together, even while they had just been friends, Charlie had shared so many personal things with her that she would never have considered sharing with another person. And it had been easy. Words had tripped off her tongue and they would talk well into the night about everything. Everything except this. Charlie regretted it now, like she regretted most things. Joey had forced herself to open up about her rape but Charlie had remained tight lipped about her own experiences. A lot of her reasoning had been because she didn't want to make something that was about Joey, about her instead because that wasn't fair. But she knew the rest of the reason was that she was afraid. If only they could have stayed together, if only Charlie hadn't screwed up so badly and lost the love of her life, she might have been willing to share it voluntarily with her partner. She might have been able to. And if not, if the truth had come out this way, one thing she was certain of was that Joey Collins would never have doubted her for a second. She knew that if they were still together, she wouldn't be sitting alone on the beach in despair. Joey would be right here with her, holding her and reassuring her. But Charlie had messed up and Joey had left. She was gone, having an amazing time probably, far out at sea. She'd probably met someone new, someone who deserved her and had forgotten all about her dalliance with a confused cop. And now, Charlie had settled for second best, only to find that she wasn't good enough for him either.

"I want to talk to you."

The voice froze her heart. Charlie was on her feet before she'd even looked at Grant. She was ready to flee.

"I want a relationship with Ruby," he said. "And you can't stop that."

"You don't deserve a relationship with her," Charlie said, her voice wavering.

"I will make you known as a liar, Charlie," Grant promised.

He turned and left. Charlie broke into a run along the sand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Joey got off the bus and stood on the side of the road with her few belongings. It felt strange to be back here, the place that she had lived with her brother and with Charlie; the place she'd been brutalised and nearly killed; the place that she'd experienced the most beautiful love she thought anyone could; and the place that she'd had her heart broken into a million pieces.

Charlie ventured into the little cove. It was empty, as she expected. She'd never seen anybody here before. She headed over to the little rowing boat that had apparently been washed up on the sand some years ago. She climbed in and settled in the bottom. It wasn't the most comfortable place in the world but it was somewhere she came often to think. She had been here so much recently that she thought she ought to move in. She almost had. Reaching underneath the seat, she pulled out a bag and from it, retrieved a blanket she'd brought the previous week. Setting it behind her to rest her back more comfortably, Charlie sat and stared out ahead of her.

Joey dumped her stuff at her motel, ran a brush through her hair and splashed her face with cold water. Then she ventured out. If she was going to find Charlie, she needed to get it over and done with, and due to the fact that she couldn't actively seek her out by asking about her or finding someone that knew her, she knew it might take a surprising amount of time to locate her even in a small town like this. As soon as she stepped out of her building, she began to walk straight over to the house. As she began to turn into the streets leading up to her old home, Joey felt a pang of sadness. She had been so happy here once. She began to tremble as she walked up to door. She noted Charlie's car in the drive but Leah's was absent. Stopping and looking at the little blue car, she had mixed emotions. They had shared such a beautiful moment in that car when Charlie had finally told Joey that she loved her and wanted to be with her. They'd nearly made love in the front seat but, wanting it to be more special than that, they'd driven out to a motel. Keeping their hands off each other on the short drive had proved very difficult. The fact that Joey had checked into exactly the same motel she and Charlie had first been together in was not lost on her. Still, she supposed she had two choices – the one where she was nearly killed or the one where she'd had the best night of her life. Surely in anybody's mind there was no option really? But the car had also been part of their downfall. If Brett hadn't spray painted it and humiliated Charlie, pressed charges against her for sexual misconduct, then they wouldn't be apart now. It was the painful night that Charlie had ended up in Hugo's bed. If Joey's dreams were anything to go by, she thought she could at least understand a little more but it didn't stop it from hurting. And she would never forgive her brother for causing Charlie to stray. Walking up to the door, she hoped that nobody was home to catch her. She peered through the kitchen window. The room was empty. Finding her way round to the other side of the house, Joey located Charlie's bedroom, _her_ old bedroom for a time, and looked inside. Everything was neat and tidy. And empty. Either Charlie was in another room or she wasn't home. Fretfully, she wandered back to the door and braced herself to knock. _The point is not to see her unless she needs you_, Joey reminded herself. She didn't knock. She turned and left.

Images played like movies in Charlie's mind. Once she'd imagined the rape so clearly, she couldn't get it out. And now she was plagued with Grant's face as he was now. She couldn't stop imaging Ruby bonding with him and rejecting her. She'd been so broken when she'd realised that Ruby had gone to the city to find her father and then while they had both been emotional after Ruby had confronted him, Charlie had been secretly pleased and proud that after all the trauma, her sister, her daughter had gone there to stand up for her. But now it looked like that momentary peace was over. Grant was getting into Ruby's head and turning her against her. If she lost her, Charlie didn't know what she would do. And then there was Angelo. He'd let her down. She didn't think there was a future there. She'd wanted one. If she couldn't be with Joey then Angelo was the best there was. He was kind and funny and good looking and once upon a time, she believed he would have done anything for her. He'd made his interest clear the first moment they'd met, way back when she'd been dating Roman. That felt like a lifetime ago now when really it was little over a year. But Angelo was potentially sticking up for a man who had ruined Charlie's life. There were hurdles and there were hurdles. This was one they were unlikely to get over. She was losing Ruby. She and Angelo were broken. Things were still fragmented with her father to the point where she'd nearly let him hurt himself. He was so confused these days and fading fast and while they had made some kind of peace over him letting her down as a teenager and while she knew he had tried to do what he thought was right, she was losing him too. He was sick. He was drifting away from her into a world she couldn't enter. There was nothing anyone could do. Her Mum was already gone and Joey… Joey was the one she needed. Joey was the one she called out to in her dreams and in her waking life. Joey was the one her soul yearned for. She was the person who would understand and comfort her. Except that she wouldn't. Because she was gone. And even if she was here, even when the time came to face her own demons and put Robbo in jail for putting her through what Grant had put Charlie through, she would hate her. She wouldn't want to see her. It was over. Everything was over.

Joey walked along the beach, hoping for a glimpse of Charlie, preferably larking around with Ruby and having a nice time. That way, Joey could unburden herself and move on. Again. She wasn't there. She eyed the Diner and the Surf Club. No, she wasn't ready to go in there yet. She began to walk in the direction of the police station.

Charlie held the broken bottle in the trembling hands. She stared into the glass, focussing on its sharp edge, consumed by her own certainty that her life was over. Closing her eyes, she took a breath and cut.

* * *

Joey hovered outside the station. She didn't want to go in but she'd been watching cops traipse in and out for a few minutes and none of them were Charlie. Finally, she poked her head round the door, grateful that they were busy. She spied Watson on reception and a couple of other officers she'd encountered before. There was no Charlie in sight.

"Can I help you?" a young man asked.

She turned in fright at having been caught. The office stared at her expectantly. He had piercing eyes and short hair. His face was handsome and very familiar, although Joey was certain she'd never seen him before. _The dreams_, she realised. Registering that he knew Charlie and she suspected it was intimately, Joey fought the urge to ask about her. She needed to find her by herself and not alert her to her presence.

"Um, no," she said. "Thank you."

She hurried away, aware that he was staring after her.

* * *

Charlie angrily threw the bottle away and watched it land on the sand. Tears ran harder down her face, dripping onto the shallow wounds she'd made on her wrists, mixing with the blood and making her arms sting. Cursing herself for not being able to get it right and surprised at how difficult it actually was to make a deep enough entry into the skin, she looked around, frustrated as to what to do next. She watched the waves lap at the shore, turbulent in her mind instead of traditionally peaceful. Shakily, she stepped out of the boat.

* * *

Unwillingly, Joey stepped inside the Diner, grateful at least that she hadn't got to know that many people during her time in the Bay. There were a few people that she recognised but nobody resembling Ruby, Aden or Charlie were there. She looked up at the counter. Leah wasn't in sight but Colleen was serving. All she needed was for the town's gossip to spot her. She was about to turn on her heel when she heard a reference to Charlie.

"And then Constable Buckton flung her chair back and literally ran out of here!" Colleen told Miles who was buying a sandwich.

Joey slipped inside the room and hovered close enough to hear but not obtrusively enough to be seen.

"She looked so upset," Colleen continued. "I couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor love. That Constable Risotto should feel lucky he has a girl like her. He shouldn't be upsetting her like that."

Joey's heart sank at confirmation that Charlie was dating someone.

"Well, it's not for us to judge really, is it?" Miles said diplomatically, looking like he really just wanted to get his food and go.

"It seems like he's questioning whether she was… you know… attacked at all," Colleen continued obliviously. "Looks like he believes what that man is saying. But why would she make it up? And how could she have given birth to young Ruby at such a tender age if it hadn't been something like that?"

Joey froze. She connected various images of her dreams. Colleen's gossip was starting to make a lot of sense. She began to fill in the gaps between her own small spattering of information.

"I just don't see why Senior Constable Buckton would lie," Colleen said firmly. "And she looked after that other girl who was raped, didn't she? I mean, no wonder she cared so much about her. You know, before they started…"

Colleen turned a little pink.

"Anyway, I think Constable Risotto has a lot to answer for. Yet again. As if it isn't bad enough that he'd kill Jack and then dare to come back to town but to treat his own girlfriend like that… No, it's not right."

Joey hurried out of the Diner. Her need to see Charlie had increased tenfold. Obviously she wasn't happy and healthy. According to Colleen, Charlie was a mess. Regardless of what had happened between them, Joey loved her. She would always love her. And she'd do anything to help.

* * *

The salt water stung Charlie's wrists. She didn't care as she just let herself float, letting wave after wave hit her, pulling her out to sea. Closing her eyes, she tried to let all the tension out of her body, to let herself dip beneath the water and slowly drown. She hoped that she would be strong enough to not try and save herself when the moment came.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Joey walked along the beach, wracking her brains trying to think of where Charlie might go. She considered going back to the house again. If her car was there then she might be too. Nodding to herself, she broke into a run. When she arrived, she didn't hesitate as she pounded on the door. Nobody answered.

"Charlie?" she called through the window.

Nothing. She hurried round to the side of the house and peered through Charlie's window, feeling very much like a stalker. Nothing had changed. Charlie hadn't been there. Racing back to the beach, she charged into the Surf Club, looking frantically around. Stopping, she came face to face with Hugo. Unable to find words, she looked around him, searching the place but Charlie wasn't there. Hurrying back out, ignoring the surprised looks Hugo, Martha and Alf had given her, she headed back to the beach. She didn't think Charlie would be at work. If she'd argued with Angelo, the guy she was certain she'd bumped into there before, Charlie was unlikely to be willing to go and deal with him. She had never been one to face things head on. She preferred the running away approach. _Like you're one to talk, _Joey scolded herself. Sighing and finally reaching a standstill, she knew she wasn't going to find her like this. She either had to ask someone, attempt to phone her or take some time out of panicking to sit and think realistically about where she might be. She chose the latter.

* * *

Charlie woke up, coughing hard. Disappointment flooded her as she realised she was lying alone, wet and cold on the beach. Sitting with some difficulty, she looked around. She was right back where she started. Instead of taking her out to sea, the water had brought her back in again. She was stuck. She hated herself even more. Glancing down at her wrists that were bleeding ever so lightly, she hauled herself up to her feet. She was soaked from head to toe and sand was now clinging to her clothes uncomfortably. She trudged back to the little rowing boat and curled up in it again.

* * *

Joey approached the little rowing boat that had been her thinking place for as long as she had lived in Summer Bay. It was abandoned and it was cosy. And it was occupied. Joey recognised Charlie's petite form in an instant. Her heart broke when she saw her. She was soaking wet, shaking and crying softly. _She's still so beautiful_, Joey thought to herself. Moving closer, she stepped into the boat and sat down beside Charlie in one fluid motion. In a dream-like state, Charlie looked her, showing no signs of being startled. _Maybe I did die, _she thought to herself. _Maybe this is Heaven_. She looked down at her wrists. No, she was still in too much pain to be anywhere but hell or earth and Joey wouldn't be in hell. Staring at the perfect vision of Joey in front of her, she allowed the other woman to put her arms around her. Silently, Joey held Charlie close. Charlie rested her head against Joey's chest and shoulder. Water droplets found their way onto Joey's neck.

"How… how are you here?" Charlie managed, almost afraid of speaking and breaking the spell.

"It's a long story," Joey said softly.

"Why… why are you? I thought… I thought you were gone forever. I thought you hated…"

"I'm not here to rake up the past," Joey interrupted. "I'm not here to judge anything that's happened in your life. I'm not here to cause you any kind of pain or turmoil. I'm just… here."

Charlie clung tightly to Joey's body, adoring her familiarity and her comfort. Joey held her close and rested her cheek on top of Charlie's head. It felt so good to hold her again. It felt right. All the problems they'd encountered in the past seemed to drift right out Joey's mind as they sat in the boat and snuggled their bodies as close as they could. Suddenly, Charlie sat up. Fresh tears graced her face.

"Joey, I have to tell you… I've, I've been dating… and, and… but I won't… even if… I'm ending it. I'm sorry. I didn't think…"

"Ssshh," Joey whispered, bringing her lips so close they brushed against Charlie's.

"I know," she said. "It doesn't matter."

She stroked Charlie's wet, messy hair.

"But…" Charlie protested.

"It doesn't matter," Joey repeated calmly. "All that matters is that you're okay."

Charlie settled back down. It was strange. Suddenly she did feel okay. Certainly more okay than she had been for weeks, even months now. Being back in Joey's arms felt like being home; it was the safest place in the world.

"I don't understand why you're here," Charlie said.

"You're hurting," Joey replied. "Where else would I be?"

She shifted, nudging Charlie into a sitting position where she was supporting her own body weight. She looked at Charlie's wrists, holding her hands.

"We need to get you fixed up," she said.

"Not now," Charlie replied, almost pleading. "They've stopped bleeding. I didn't get it right. We don't need to go right now."

Joey gazed into Charlie's eyes, overwhelmed with compassion.

"We also need to get you dry and warm and safe," Joey told her.

"I feel safe here," she said. "With you. Don't make me leave yet."

Never breaking eye contact, Joey shrugged off her jacket. She settled back against the blanket and guided Charlie back into her arms. She covered her body with the jacket and used it and herself to wrap her up tightly.

"I'm safe now," Charlie repeated, mostly to herself.

Joey placed a soft kiss on top of Charlie's head, resting against her and closing her eyes. They lay like that for a long time, watching the day turn into night as the sun shut itself away and the moon came out to greet them.

"How long will you stay?" Charlie asked softly.

Joey thought about the boat and Holly and her life. None of it seemed to matter now. All she cared about was building Charlie up from this fragile state. If she needed to change her plans then so be it.

"I'll be here as long as you need me," Joey told her.

"I'll need you for always," Charlie replied. "The worst mistake I ever made was letting you go."

"Then always it is," Joey said.

She closed her eyes on the world. She knew she needed to take Charlie into the warm soon; it wasn't good for her to be out here. But Charlie was right. This was a safe place. They could deal with the practical stuff later. Obviously they would need to talk about where they stood and what they had been through but now wasn't that time. Now was a time for comfort, for peace and for unity.

"I'm so sorry for everything, Joey," Charlie ventured.

Joey gently quietened her again.

"I forgive you. But there'll be time for discussions and decisions later," she said. "For now, let's just be."

They held each other in gentle silence long into the night.


End file.
